The Internet, the Philippines and Internet in the Philippines
 

CAUGHT IN THE NET
Men, Relationships and the Internet

by Brett Krkosska

Men are evolving into a more understanding, sympathetic, and expressive gender.

Ludicrous you say? In the immortal words of Gerard Depardieu, "I'm not afraid to show my feminine side - it's part of what makes me a man."

Right on, Gerry.

Frankly, I'm ready for a change. It's about time we shift men's attitudes about power, intimacy, sex, and relationships.

Besides, I'm getting rather bored with sneaking into the bathroom with my wife's mascara to thicken up that thin patch in my beard. It occurs to me that if a Scottish man can wear a dress and call it a kilt, then I can put on mascara and call it a beard thicker-upper.

Guilt-free mascara for men. There's a worthy goal.

The evolution of men has been in the making for a long time. Indeed, the epoch movements of the 20th century - women's right to vote, women entering the workforce during World War II, the sexual liberation movement of the 1960's - have done just as much to liberate men as they have done to liberate women.

As the political, economic, cultural, and familial dividing lines between the sexes are challenged it is inevitable that men should adopt behaviors and attitudes traditionally thought of as feminine.

This is not to say that men should reject their masculinity. On the contrary, men should whole-heartedly embrace their masculinity. But the evolution of men rests in our ability to challenge pre-conceived notions of masculinity.

There is nothing wrong with being aggressive, powerful, or bold. Applying these characteristics to uplift men and women alike is the defining catalyst for change. To be aggressive in humanly pursuits, powerfully outspoken against injustice, boldly honest, passionate, and sensual - that is what it means to be a man.

These ideals are manifested through our interaction with others. We call these interactions relationships.

But how do we perceive the competency of men in forming and maintaining relationships? Do men embody the expressive qualities which solidify a lasting and satisfying relationship? Do men share openly, listen for the sake of listening, express their needs compassionately, or show their emotions unabashedly? And how are men perceived as compared to women in the depth of their relationships?

Hmmm.

Call me insensitive if you must, but I would venture to say that someone probably put the words "men" and "relationship" in the same sentence and came up with the word "oxymoron."

Consider the burgeoning presence of women on the Web. Notice the prevailing and underlying theme of sites designed by women and for women. Look at the marketing approach used to capture the dollars spent by women. It's all about relationships.

Does it work? You only have to look at the success of sites such as About.com, Women.com, or iVillage to see that it works. These sites are hugely successful with women because they provide a personalized and human experience. The expressive qualities of a relationship are hallmarks of these sites.

Speaking from a man's perspective, I can tell you that I want the same thing from my Internet experience that women want. I want to know that a site is trustworthy and I want them to prove it. I want to know that a site is concerned with my needs. I want a relationship with the people behind a site, not a sales pitch.

But where are the men's sites? Is the definition of a site for men rooted in pornography? Must the expressiveness of a man be explored on a web page within the context of being gay or religious?

We need more sites that target men "as men." Certainly, the many different faces and roles men play should not be minimized. But as I cruise the Web and come upon site after site announcing a woman-to-woman theme, I am struck by the realization that the man-to-man Internet landscape is quite barren.

But there is hope, for I would argue that the increasing prevalence of sites with relationship themes can have a transforming effect on men. But I don't pretend to think that relationship-centered sites can change men's attitudes overnight - that goes without saying.

The only thing that could do that would be menstruation.

Think about it.

Rocky - big, strong man - wakes up in the morning a tad bit moody. He goes to work only to discover that...

... his cycle starts heavy right in the middle of that important meeting. He chides himself for wearing those tan slacks.

"Today of all days," he whispers. He bolts out of the meeting, realizing that he didn't pack his briefcase for this emergency.

Thank heavens, there's Brock. He's always prepared.

"Hey Brock, I've got this important meeting and I just started and... can ya help me out?"

"Sure," says Brock. "I was just going to the men's room myself. Come on, we'll go together."

Pretty weird scenario huh? It gets even weirder when Rocky comes home and spends 30 minutes telling his wife all about his day. And the crack in his voice is unmistakable when he gets to the part where the overseas client called his marketing strategy "half-cooked."

Yes, this would sure do the trick. But for now we must be content to let the emerging personalized Web experience work its way into men's hearts. Exposure to relationship- centered websites is bound to rub off.

After all, men do need relationships and they really do value their repressed feminine side, they just need a little help getting it out.

As for myself, I'm quite happy to play along. Perhaps I'll even get my own mascara. But I do admit to some macho baggage, so for now we'll call it a beard thicker-upper.


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ISSUE 17 MAY - JUNE 2000
I S S N   0119-7088

Caught in the Net
Assaulted Online
by Angela Giles Klocke

Men, Relationships and the Internet
by Brett Krkosska

Netbytes
The Top Net News In May

Newbie 101
Are You In A Communication Rut Or Are You Getting Your Message Across?
by Shery Ma Belle Arrieta

Web Tips
by Deborah Anderson

Netspeak
How To Sell Your Website or Domain Name For Big Money
by Kevin Nunley

Is Your Domain Name A Trademark Infringement?
by Shelley Lowery

The Importance of Having Your Own Domain Name
by Sumantra Roy

My Blue Room
Alcoholics Anonymous
by Meg R

Virgin
by S

The Dollar Stretcher
Secrets Save 25% on Groceries
by Gary Foreman

Pay Yourself First
by Gary Foreman

This Month's Secret Assets
Angela Giles Klocke
Colleen Moulding
Deborah Anderson
Kevin Nunley
Shelley Lowery
Sumantra Roy
Meg R
Brett Krkosska
Gary Foreman
Shery Ma Belle Arrieta

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