“All my heart, forever…”
Billy Thomas, in Ally McBeal

Billy Allen Thomas died. And while Ally McBeal cried, I cried along with her. And try as I might, I couldn’t even stop the darn tears from falling too.

Perhaps I was so into Ally McBeal that her pain was mine too. But before you dismiss me as just another run-of-the-mill, close-to-being-loony fan of the hit TV series, lemme just get this straight -- I just happen to relate well with Ally McBeal, that's all. I'm not particularly crazy about Calista Flockhart, na-uh.

My ex's friend once observed how Ally McBeal seems to be for the lonely. At that time the only episode I've been able to watch was the one wherein Vonda Shepard sang "I Only Wanna be With You", so I couldn't at first understand why he would think such a thing. But now, countless episodes later, plus this Billy-Thomas-died episode to boot, I now find myself in confluence with "ex-best friend" on that point.

For those of you who haven't a clue as to what I'm talking about, here's a briefer: Ally McBeal is a lawyer, she had a relationship with Billy Thomas, a lawyer who works in the same firm she's in. They've known each other since childhood, they had a great time together, but he took one look at Georgia -- who happens to be another lawyer in the firm -- and he oft and married her. Ally never got over this relationship.

Amazingly, after all this brouhaha Ally manages to remain good friends with Billy, even managing a civil relationship with Georgia. But she remains lonely. The days see her successfully taking on one court case after another, but her nights are a total bummer. She and the rest of the lawyers hang out in the club located at the penthouse of their office building, but of course everybody has somebody to smooch with except her, so most often than not, the last scene showcases Ally walking home alone to her apartment, with Vonda singing an utterly heart-wrenching "I'm-lonely" song from the 50s or 60s. Oh, her lawyer friends set her up with one guy after another, but most often than not, they turn out to be real losers, or if she gets lucky every once in awhile, she manages to turn them off with her unresolved thing for Billy (see My Blue Room's *SOB* Chronicles and you'll see why I fully empathize with Ally).

And now Billy's dead -- what could be more heartbreaking than that?

His last words were of Ally and the time they had together, claiming no one had it better than they did. Then flashes of their childhood, with Vonda singing "And I loved him more than words can say/never knew it 'til he moved away ("Neighborhood") and the two of them dancing to Vonda's "You Belong to Me" were shown, making me cry even harder.

I so loved the show, I try to remember lines which struck me deep to the core. And so in the tradition of Andenisms (from MOD magazine), Gumpisms (an offshoot of Winston Groom's Forrest Gump) here are some -- Allyisms? McBeal-isms? Oh whatever:

1. Sometimes if you hold out for everything, you walk away with nothing.
2. It's better to regret the things you do than the things you don't do.
3. Couplehood is good.
4. Nothing can be lonelier than being with the wrong guy.
5. With ice cream, who needs guys?
6. If you meet someone who has even just the slightest chance of being THE ONE, then he's worth every try, 'coz it's not often in life that you get to meet one of them.
7. All my heart, forever.

Oh, and do get copies of the two volumes of Ally McBeal soundtracks -- "I Only Wanna be With You" and "I Know Him By Heart" will definitely touch your hearts. Vonda's covers of "End of the World", "World Without Love", and "Vincent" are worth checking out too.